02 December 2013

Semi-Colons, Broken Walls

I don't enjoy letting people into my life. And I don't advise others to let people in either. It’s dangerous. You let the them see the most sacred part of yourself. They have to power to look deep into your soul after you give them the permission to do so. They can know your greatest dreams, darkest secrets and your deepest fears in life. But the second you allow them into your personal space, they have the power to do whatever they want. Oddly enough, they always choose to do the one horrid thing that is worse than any other; they leave. 

  Everyone leaves you at some point. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, willingly or unwillingly, at the end they all leave. Back when I was naive and innocent, when I believed in happy endings, I let so many cruel people in and the ending was always as cruel as the previous one. 

  The story is always the same; someone supposedly different from the others approaches and decides to get to know you. He gives you these positive vibes but doesn’t have the courage to pursue any further so he just drags you along. Lets you feel like you’re actually happy with that person, that you’re really going to have a continuation this time. You think to yourself “maybe this time he wont leave, maybe I finally found someone who will stay.” 
  But no! As always something happens that is unknown to me to this day and they decide to leave and just stop being a part of your life. Just like that. No solid explanation, no apologies, no nothing. As if the person they left behind is supposed to go on as if nothing happened, as if they haven’t happened. You can’t ask for a reason or be sad that they left because of the complications, because you don’t want to show weakness so you just try to carry on with your life with the impact they have made on your life. Someone once again broke your trust. Gave you another reason to build up walls around your heart. Just as God put flaming swords around the tree of life to protect it from humans, you put up walls around your heart to protect yourself from getting emotionally hurt. And each time someone breaks down those walls and leaves you again, you have to start from scratch, build all those walls again, this time even stronger because the last time they were apparently too thin. 

  So my advice to you is not to get attached. Just don't do it and save yourself the heartache and the trouble of all the healing process. I’m not saying be alone your whole life but do your best to protect yourself, be a hundred percent sure they’re worth it before you let them in. Be strong because humans are attracted to weakness. The second they see a fragile little person they stick their nose into your own little world and they break your heart. And we all know how much of a bitch that healing process is.   

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