Semi-Colons, Broken Walls

I don't enjoy letting people into my life. And I don't advise others to let people in either. It’s dangerous. You let the them see the most sacred part of yourself. They have to power to look deep into your soul after you give them the permission to do so. They can know your greatest dreams, darkest secrets and your deepest fears in life. But the second you allow them into your personal space, they have the power to do whatever they want. Oddly enough, they always choose to do the one horrid thing that is worse than any other; they leave. 

  Everyone leaves you at some point. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, willingly or unwillingly, at the end they all leave. Back when I was naive and innocent, when I believed in happy endings, I let so many cruel people in and the ending was always as cruel as the previous one. 

  The story is always the same; someone supposedly different from the others approaches and decides to get to know you. He gives you these positive vibes but doesn’t have the courage to pursue any further so he just drags you along. Lets you feel like you’re actually happy with that person, that you’re really going to have a continuation this time. You think to yourself “maybe this time he wont leave, maybe I finally found someone who will stay.” 

  

  But no! As always something happens that is unknown to me to this day and they decide to leave and just stop being a part of your life. Just like that. No solid explanation, no apologies, no nothing. As if the person they left behind is supposed to go on as if nothing happened, as if they haven’t happened. You can’t ask for a reason or be sad that they left because of the complications, because you don’t want to show weakness so you just try to carry on with your life with the impact they have made on your life. Someone once again broke your trust. Gave you another reason to build up walls around your heart. Just as God put flaming swords around the tree of life to protect it from humans, you put up walls around your heart to protect yourself from getting emotionally hurt. And each time someone breaks down those walls and leaves you again, you have to start from scratch, build all those walls again, this time even stronger because the last time they were apparently too thin. 

  So my advice to you is not to get attached. Just don't do it and save yourself the heartache and the trouble of all the healing process. I’m not saying be alone your whole life but do your best to protect yourself, be a hundred percent sure they’re worth it before you let them in. Be strong because humans are attracted to weakness. The second they see a fragile little person they stick their nose into your own little world and they break your heart. And we all know how much of a bitch that healing process is.   

Am I In Narnia?

How time flies!

I can’t believe I started university three weeks ago! It’s been such a whirlwind. I don’t know where to start; the friendships, the classes, the campus!

First of all i want to say that i feel like I've made the right decision when i picked my major. I have always loved English but now that I’m actually studying English Literature I realize how much I actually love the language! We have four core courses and two free elective courses. The first class everyone in the university has to take is a class called “Humanities” (HUM 101) and to be fairly honest, it’s my least favorite class. I like history but as soon as it becomes a responsibility I suddenly hate the entire subject. I just don’t like memorizing all that information and it’s not even about our major so I don’t understand why we have to take it. Plus my teacher has the worst English accent and most of the time I have difficulty understanding him… My favorite class is “Literary Genres” (ELIT 107) which is basically what we learned in Turkish Literature in high school but in English which makes it so much better and it’s more in dept. I’m also the best in my class at the moment in this subject so YAY ME! 

We have “Introduction to English Literature” (ELIT 101) in which we study the history of England and English languages development. There’s “Introduction to Western Literature” (ELIT 105) and we read and discuss important literary works such as “The Epic of Gilgamesh”, “The Bible”, etc… These were the core courses. I also got “Creative Writing” which is a class where we write about a given topic one lesson and then read it out loud to the entire class the next lesson. I really wanted to take this class as I want to improve my writing skills and I feel like it will help immensely. Lastly I took “Italian” (AFIA 101). It was a sudden decision, I knew I wanted to speak a third language but I wasn’t sure yet and when my advisor asked me if I had a language I wanted to learn Italian just came out. We’ll see how that turns out.

 The campus is HUGE! It’s beautiful which has 5-6 main buildings and a lot of cafés in it. There is a huge forest-like place where there are tables to sit which is our go to place when we have some free time. The only thing I whine about is that I have to walk so damn much since the campus is this big and our classes are in different buildings.

Oh God! The friendships! It’s been going so well! I have all the friends I loved from high school and on top of that I met 10 amazing new people on my first day! It was so surprising because I expected awkward conversations and lonely breaks on my first weeks but all of us connected super fast and we all love each other, share so much in common and just have fun together. I really want to write a blog post just for this topic alone because I know if I start talking about this the entire post will be like fifty paragraphs longer… oops. But just know that I’m really happy with all the friends I’ve made so far and I hope I will be friends with them throughout university. Fingers crossed J